Gossip, "Fair-Weather" Friendships: NIP THEM IN THE BUD EARLY!

Gossip, "Fair-Weather" Friendships: NIP THEM IN THE BUD EARLY!

Teach your Children well
GOSSIP AND "FAIR-WEATHER' FRIENDSHIPS: "NIPPING THEM IN THE BUD" OF CHILDHOOD
by Sarah Eppes
Aug 9, 2005


Today, the cockles of my heart were warmed at church by the sight of an older girl walking up to my daughter and welcoming her with a hug. Oh, what joy to see young girls--no matter the different ages--showing affection and care for each other!


From unfortunate experience I know that this kindness between girls is not always the case,nor is it always the case between young ladies or older women! In fact, it is all too common to witness women of all ages acting in ways that are unkind to each other and unbecoming of the Lord.


Perhaps this is why the Lord spoke in His Word about how women are to act towards one another. He must have fully know the propensity of our gender to feel most comfortable when we have someone close to us who is like us, who likes us, and who may join us in what we dislike. It is so human to want to be wanted, to want to belong, and to want to be comfortable with those around us. It is heartbreaking that this desire to belong often manifests itself in leaving others out, talking about them, or treating them
unkindly. It seems that ungodly desires in friendships can lead straight to gossip and slander.


My mother and I were recently chatting about my eight year old niece. She attends a private school, and my mother often picks her up from school. Mom was disheartened that on most "pick-up" days, this kind-hearted little girl clambers into the car disappointed and sad. The trouble is not the schoolwork, but, invariably, it is because she has been left out by friends and experiences the ache of watching several little girls who exclude her from the playground games.


In reassuring my niece, my mom tells stories about my very own childhood experiences with "fair-weather" friends. "Fair-weather" friends are those who can best be described as those who are kind when it is convenient and beneficial to the circumstance--very often when other friends are not around. My mother taught me to handle these friends by being kind in return. She advised me to see other friends and different activities. She also taught me that my worth was based upon their opinions of me, their unkind treament, or whispers and giggles behind upheld hands. Instead, my worth was found as a child of God.


My mother was surprised to hear that my daughter has had her own experiences with "fair-weather friends of many ages. Mom was under the impression that because we homeschool, these "socialization" problems would be minimal. Sadly, this is not the case. It seems that exclusionary tactics and gossip seem to transcend every activity, despite the educational method.


While Mom and I do not often see boys excluding each other, we have found that when more than two little girls from different families gather, the likelihood is exceedingly high that at least one will be left out by some grouping of the others. However, friendships do not have to be this way. And I know that the Lord does not want it to be this way. In the Word, the Lord has given us excellent instructions on navigating the waters of friendship without hurting one another and sinking into gossip.


Actively Nipping It in the Bud
One good place to start in understanding appropriate friendships is in the article on LAF entitled "Conducting Friendships". This is a lovely article which gently discusses friendships. It is replete with Bible study references.


A second positive step is to remember some sage advice from Elisabeth Elliot. Mrs. Elliot has advised that as women, we are all "Titus 2" some to someone younger than us. We as young ladies or women are to set an example to others in our speech and relations. "The ages women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness..." (Titus 2:3)


In the same way that I saw the little girl at church hug and greet my daughter, I have seen the women at church tenderly greet one another. As we older women model appropriate and kind relationships, hopefully those younger than us will seek to treat others in the same way. If we mothers teach our daughters to look to the interests of others, then we are being proactive in training and building a hedge of protection against behavior that leads to gossip or unloving friendships.


We mothers especially need to guard against the tendency to overlook any inappropriate behavior towards others. In parenting, it can be easy to see the sweetness in our children at home, but not to see the reality of their behavior in public. It can also be easy to accept the explanation and excuse of a child rather than getting to the heart of the matter. This unfortunately fosters and perpetuates a negative tendency in our children.


Third, and most important, we women must be steeped in the Word and what the Lord says about behavior. We should desire to have behavior that glorifies the Lord and shows that we love Him above all. Most likely, all of us have made mistakes in this area. but the plumb line of our behavior is to be the Word of God.


It is written...
Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings, As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious. I Peter 2:1-3


We are to lay aside all "fair-weather" behavior toward others. We are not to be hypocritical and show feigned kindness toward others at one moment, only to be unkind or distant at another time. We are not to be envious of others, and so find ourselves speaking evil. We are to earnestly love people as we have first been loved by the Lord.


But as He which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; I Peter 1:15


As we love the Lord and desire to be more like Him, we will seek to have all that we say be glorifying to Him. It is never glorifying to speak ill of others or to slander them in any way.


The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5


As we have behavior that becometh holiness, it will be shown in our soberness, our love, and our discretion. Our behavior will glorify the Lord and will not be blasphemous.


And when we are sinned against, what are we to do? We are to love. We will best show our love of the Lord in a manner that glorifies Him. we will use speech that edifies, coupled with tender-hearted behavior. we are to teach our daughters to love the sinner and forgive, even if the person who hurt them does not seek forgiveness.


When ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25


When treated in a hurtful way, we women will do best to follow the Lord's wise words in Romans 12, "Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not... Be of the same mind one toward another...Recompense to no man evil for evil...If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves...Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good" :(Romans12:14, 16-21).


As we dwell in the Word, we will be blessed with a full knowledge of the Lord. This knowledge will instruct us in how to treat others. In turn, we women can instruct and model godly behavior for those younger than us, especially our daughters. Most importantly of all, we should seek reconciliation when something inappropriate happens in a friendship. Man's reconciliation with God is why Jesus came to us. Our reconciliation with others should be a priority.

~copied