Communication in the Home

One of our devotionals for the Heart and Home theme was on communication in the Home. The devotional was given by a godly lady, Mrs. Joyce Comfort, who also happens to be the wife of the president, Dr. Ron Comfort, of Ambassador Baptist College.

The outline was as follows:

I. Forms of communication.

Words - even lack of words can be communicated

Actions - body language, stomping across floor,mad, squeeze of the hand, hugs, etc.

Attitudes- rolling eyes, sitting slouched, shrugging shoulders

Facial Expressions

Other Notes:

• We are innately selfish and we don't want to take the time to talk.
• Television is a form of non-communication. We watch what we ant to watch and don't talk.
• Kids spell love as "T-I-M-E"?
• Are you a clam? Do you get mad and refuse to speak?
• Or are you a blowfish? Do you get upset and blow off?
• Wives often give subtle hints and expect husbands to mind read which they are not good at doing.

II. Communication according to Ephesians 4.

Walk worthy
Walk with all lowliness and meekness.
Walk circumspectly ch.5:15
In love ch..5:5
In light ch. 5:8

III. My communication ought be:

truthful and honest
without anger and in a Christlike way. (Speak in anger and you will give the best speech you will ever regret)

Other notes:

• Don't be manipulative:
  
  
  • saying enough of the truth to not get in trouble
  • Obey rules just enough to stay out of trouble
  
  
  
  
  
• Don't deal with a problem in anger-back off and assess the problem. Quite often there is a selfishness on your part because things did not go your way. If there is a problem, pick a time to discuss it your mate calmly. Wives can influence husbands rightly or wrongly
• Before speaking ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
• Right communication will build, not destroy the home

“Let your speech [be] alway with grace, seasoned with salt,
that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” (Col 4:6 AV)

Is your speech tasty, satisfying, preserving?

ANGER

(These notes are taken from Tongue in Check, by Joseph Stowell.)

Impatience----the prelude to an angry spirit which often vents itself in angry words.

Bible Examples:
Gen. 4:5 - Cain
I Sam. 18:5-9 - Saul
Jonah 4 - Jonah
Luke 15:11-32 - Elder son

Insights from God's Word about anger:

Anger is a valid, God-given emotion. God gives it to us so we will know right from wrong. Anger is a signal emotion. It alerts us to problems.
Anger must be separated from the manifestations of the flesh which often accompany it.
Anger must be listened to and then used to mAve us to constructive responses.
Anger should stimulate prayer, concern, corrective action and trust in God, rather than violent, abusive, self-destructive responses.

Scripture Commands:

1. Be slow to anger. James 1:19
2. Sin not. Eph. 4:26
3. Deal with anger before sundown. Eph. 4:26

Steps in Dealing with Anger Scripturally:"

I. Hesitate------Evaluate. (Jas. 1:19)

A. Standards of evaluation.

1. "Why are you angry?" Ge. 4:6-7
2. "Have you any right to be angry?" Jonah 4:4
3. "My son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." Luke 15:31

B. Do I have sufficient facts to justify my anger?

C. Have I looked at the situation from the other person's viewpoint?

D. Pinpoint the specific cause of the anger.

E. Honestly verbalize the sense of oncoming anger. Rather than being defensive about your feelings, calmly expressing "I am getting angry about this" can diffuse the strength of the anger and turn your hear to a positive resolution.

II. be angry and sin not.

(Sin is what happens when anger is not properly handled.) Heb. 12:14-15
When anger is patiently slowed down by hesitating and evaluating, our word will reflect:

• an honest admission of our angry feelings
• requests for prayer support to resist the sins that accompany anger
• requests for godly counsel to respond to anger properly
• nonjudgmental questions that bring sufficient facts to light
• humble repentance when the anger situation is a result of our wrongdoing or self-centeredness
• encouragement to others to hesitate, evaluate and reject "anger" sins other point of view
• glory to God by submitting to His perfect plan
• silence. Until we can speak constructive words, silence is golden. Ps. 141:3

III. Results of focusing on the source of my anger:

A. Fret (dwelling on the problem)
B. Envy (jealousy)
C. Anger (slow burn)
D. Wrath (the explosion)
E. Evil (revenge)

IV. Constructive, positive responses to anger:

A. Trust (Ps 37:3)
B. Delight (Ps. 37:4)
C. Commit (Ps. 37:5)
D. Be still (Ps. 37:7)
E. Wait patiently (Ps. 37:7)

Listening

The most important attribute of a manager: being able to listen.

L ---- Look. Look at the person. Do not look away from the person. do not be distracted. give the person speaking to you your utmost attention.

I ---- Identify. Identify the subject the person is talking to you about. Find out what the person is really saying. Make sure you have all the facts in. Seek to have all the information the person is giving out.

S ---- Speak. Speak at the proper time. do not interrupt the person who is speaking toyou. let them spread their situation out completely before you.

T ---- Think. It is easy to give an opinion, but thinking is of utmost importance in seeking to arrive at a solution. The Bible calls it wisdom. What is the mind of god on this matter?

E ---- Emotion. Do ot allow your feeling to dictate your actions. Before the emotions are exercised, we must be sure that we have all the information.. Wrong emotions destroy resoning.

N ---- Never. Never change the subject. stay on the main track until a solution is reached.

Watch Your Tongue

(Tune: "Reuben, Reuben")

Watch your tongue and watch your temper
do not say an unkind word.
When you start to speak in anger,
Turn it over to the Lord.

You can use your tongue for singing
Hymns of praise in one accord.
You can use your tongue for blessing
Friends and parents and the Lord

Jesus died for your salvation.
He will take away your sin.
He'll control your words and actions
When you let His love come in.